Tuesday, January 30, 2007
In School....
2 more weeks to my semestral exams. Here's the darn schedule:
14th Feb at 1630hrs - Mental Health [Nursing Science 2A]
15th Feb at 1630hrs - Medical-Surgical Nursing Science 2D
16th Feb at 1630hrs - Psychology [HS2119 - Abnormal Psych, Behavior Modification & Patient-Practitioner]
23rd Feb at 0830hrs - Bioscience
On V'Day, there's a darn exam going on. That would mean that I won't be free for any kinda of celebration. Which rather suck. I already got the guitar, and I'm gonna scribble some stuff on it's body to make it look more personalized. I'm considering to buy a heart-shaped box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates. Also, I'm considering to tie a ribbon around the neck of the guitar. Yeap yeap, still considering. I still have got to wipe the guitar and make it look all shiny and nice. Dunno if I should get him a guitar pick. I'll consider that. So many things to consider. Totally sucks.
So I've got one whole week of break before my BioScience exam. That one week to study and cram for the module. And after that paper, I'm free for like 3 weeks before my darn attachments start. Oh oh, there's a class chalet in February. It's on 27th February all through the 29th February. Not too sure if I could stay over, but I'll definitely be there as I've already paid for it. Tony took a 3 days leave to accompany me to the chalet, and he also paid for it. I'm just looking forward to having lots of food, and lots of fun. I should be able to have more fun this time as my tummy is pretty ok. I should be able to consume in more food than I did at the previous chalet. Woot!! Barbequed chicken, chilli stingray, corn... Yummy...
Anyhow, today is a very long day. It's darn irritating. Oh, it's great that tomorrow's a real short day, having only 2 lessons: Bio tutorial and Clinical lab. I pretty much end at 3pm. Then I think I'm gonna catch a movie and have my dinner outside.. Whahahahahaha, Swensens.. Pizza Hut.. Sure can't wait.
My new phone [Sony Ericsson W850i] casing has cracked. That just means that I am doing a real bad job taking care of it. I need to get new casing for it before it totally cracked. I suck at taking care of stuff. Maybe it's cuz I couldn't care less.
I'm spending lesser time on VampireFreaks.com now as compared to few weeks back. Maybe I'm just getting sick of that place. It's been like 2 years, and it's just getting boring after awhile, since there are snobs swarming and taking over the damned place. There's pathetic downraters who goes around downrating and doing shit comments since they think I am gonna rate them back, which I couldn't be bothered. Everyone's there pretty much dead, pretty much getting boring and pathetic. With all the guys rushing for cyber sex and all the girls being desperate sluts. With all the cults talking about beauty and perfection, but what's the point if they haven't got any brains and intelligence? It's just stupid. All the applications to be done, and where they rate you upon how you look and that you your response gotta fit into how they will accept. I mean, everyone has got their own opinions, and people may tend to disagree, but what the fuck.
Anyways, I'm gonna rush off to my next lecture, and then I'll be having an hour's break to have a quick dinner, and then I'm gonna head off to my 2 hours clinical lab. 2 hours STUPID clinical lab. I hate night classes. It's such a drag..
the beauty exposed ; 3:38 PM
Friday, January 26, 2007
Promise Me Tragedy [Song]
Here's a piece of song. It's just real nice and meaningful. It's called Promise Me Tragedy by Halifax.
I lie awake at night consumed by tragedy
I feel depression's cold hand reaching out for me
All I've ever wanted was your honesty
But now the words, become the blade that you have driven into me
I don't need your sympathy
I know you're alone tonight, with tears you cry
I hope you're satisfied, and yeah I'm doing fine
Now baby it could be fun, to fire your gun
I promise not to run
You can't kill me
I feel your venom as it's flowing to my brain
Weak in the knees but I am loving all the pain
Look into your eyes, I let the trigger rest the blame
I don't need your sympathy
I know you're alone tonight, with tears you cry
I hope you're satisfied, and yeah I'm doing fine
Now baby it could be fun, to fire your gun
I promise not to run
You can't kill me
You can drain my blood, but you, you can't kill me (kill me)
You can steal my heart (my heart), but you (but you), you can't kill me
Tonight I sleep, I dream of anything but you, you
You are alone tonight, with tears you cry
I hope you're satisfied, and yeah I'm doing fine
Now baby it could be fun, to fire your gun
I promise not to run
You can't kill me
So I think that's about it.
I had my presentation on Substance Use Disorders. It went pretty good, and I was pretty happy about it. So I skipped my promoting for the Open House thingy today, cu I was like dead tired. So I just came up with some excuse and ran off. Only to remember that I forgot to bring my keys. I brought my $1 bag and forgot all about my keys!! So I called my mom back to get the door opened for me and I was having a bad bad bad tummyache. REAL BAD! And I had a great nap today.
Well, that's all for now. For tomorrow, I'm gonna be getting myself KFC. I've been craving for that for like 2 weeks now.
the beauty exposed ; 11:30 PM
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Tired... Tiring...
Today was my school's Open House. I volunteered to join in and help out to get the CCA points which I need to graduate well. But damn, it was so tiring! Pretty much stood the whole day next to this Bedsore Prevention Intelligent Mattress. Pretty much promoting the mattress to the newbies and shit. It was kinda lame, but it was fun as well. The whole school was packed, it was kinda hard to move around. But oh well, tomorrow's another day to complete. And I have a darn presentation tomorrow..
Oh, my friends gave me this sweet belated birthday present. It was really sweet of them. Here's a picture:
It's Santa Barbara Lucky Shoe Special Edition perfume and Juicy Bomb Shake Bath.
So I have a presentation tomorrow. We took so much video clips, and we finally got the scene right, and there. I hope the presentation will go well tomorrow, as I worked 8 hours on the slides, had a conflict with my group mates. It wasn't all fun. And I spent so much time and cash on it, and I don't want it all to go down the drain. I'm hoping for a grade A.
Here's the videoclip:
As for now, I'm gonna pack my bag for tomorrow, and then head to bed and have an early night. I'm super tired.
the beauty exposed ; 9:51 PM
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Fuck yeah
Location: In School's Computer lab
Time: 1214hrs
at 1000hrs, I went for my reassessment. And Edmund assessed me. He was actually quite nice, but I can't stand his sarcastic face and the questions he asked. But it went alright and I managed to pass. That's all that matters. Now I'm able to breathe and till my exams period which is in a month's time, then I gotta start cramming and study again.
I woke up 2 hrs earlier for school today, cuz I mislooked the timetable. So I came online and blah. My life basically evolves around the net. Yeah, I've got no life... So? I think I'm gonna buy myself some facial stuff this weekend, cuz I'm having an outbreak of zits on my forehead. It's pretty terrible, and I hate the blemish. I tried using Clearasil, and apparently, it didn't work. So I'm gonna try Neutrogena and see how it goes. I hope it's not because of the Maybelline foundation I'm using. Gahhh.
The mouse in the lab really sucks. It keeps lagging, and it doesn't work on a sensor. Instead it works on the ball thing. Freaking irritating. And I'm dead bored, and there's nothing to do for a little while, till the next lecture or so. I can't log onto VampireFreaks.com, as the school banned the access to it. So I'm totally bored now. And I can't log onto MSN either. Dammit.
I think I'm gonna dye my hair again or something.. Probably deep purple or cherry red. But there's no way I'm gonna bleach it. My hair turned so dry and looked like a total mess the last time I bleached it, and I've learnt my lesson. I can't wait for my hair to get longer, so that I finally be able to perm it, and then I don't have to do anything to my hair anymore except to color it.
Where are you? Do you even know me? Do you even care?
I need to buy new make-up items. Sigh. Kinda sucks. So these are the things that I wanna buy:
- Make up items (black eyeliner, blusher, concealer, black eyebrow pencil, lipgloss, preferably black or glittering brown eyeshadow)
- Facial stuff (Neutrogena facial cleanse and toner, maybe facial mask)
- Nail polish
- A new bag
- A new pair of shoes
- Clothes (I need a god damned belt too)
OK, I think that's pretty much it. And I still promised to buy Tony a guitar. Wow, I'm gonna be spending so much chas. I need to get his guitar by mid February... Any longer, I think I'm gonna be spending all my cash on my shit. So I think I better start saving up for it. Currently, I only have like $20 in my wallet. I will probably need another $100 for the guitar. It'll take me around maybe 3 weeks to get that sum of cash. Oh my god.
This is the place where you earn a little and have spend a lot. Because the prices are not proportionate to the salary average living people are getting. Fuck it.
the beauty exposed ; 12:31 PM
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
So much for the retest
So I thought today I will be having my retest. Yeah yeah yeah. I sat in front of the god damned lab at 14oohrs... and I got called in, only to have that freaking Edmund tell me to not take the retest today and have it tomorrow instead. He did a remedial with me, and I know he was pretty pissed and irritated at me. Oh well, what was he expecting from a dumb girl like me? FUCK THE WORLD.
Tomorrow's the retest at 1100 hrs. I BETTER FUCKING PASS.
the beauty exposed ; 10:40 PM
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Let It Die [Song]
Here's a song by Three Days Grace titled 'Let It Die'. Dedicated to my ex, Jake. Fucking read the lyrics. I'm just so sick.
We had fire in our eyes
In the beginning I
Never felt so alive
In the beginning you
You blame me but
It's not fair when you say that I didn't try
I just don't want to hear it anymore
I swear I never meant to let it die
I just don't care about you anymore
It's not fair when you say that I didn't try
I just don't care about you anymore
We had time on our side
In the beginning we
We had nothing to hide
In the beginning you
You blame but
It's not fair when you say that I didn't try
I just don't want to hear it anymore
I swear I never meant to let it die
I just don't care about you anymore
It's not fair when you say that I didn't try
I just don't care about you anymore
You say that I didn't try
You say that I didn't try
You say that I didn't try
I swear I never meant to let it die
I just don't care about you anymore
It's not fair when you say that I didn't try
I just don't care about you anymore
I just don't care about you anymore
I just don't care about you anymore
I just don't care about you anymore
I just don't care about you anymore
the beauty exposed ; 10:27 PM
I thought I've learnt my lesson. Apparently, not. Maybe I need to go through it all over again, get broken, then maybe I'll learn it better. I trust no one anymore. Everyone's just another pretender, another liar, lying their way around to make me believe them. And they are doing it so well, that I'm actually falling for it. I need to wake up, and tell myself to stop believing everything people say. I'm too trusting, I guess. People toying with my feelings, and what not. I really hate it. Am I just an object of desire? What am I to people? What am I to you? Tell me I'm just dreaming all these, and that there are people who really is true.
Maybe it's just me getting paranoid. I have paranoia. And it is consuming me whole, slowly. Maybe the reason I trust no one is because I am paranoid that people are talking behind my back, complaining to one another about me. About how self-centred I can be. About how stupid I can be. People are talking behind my back, and making it look like they didn't. Two-headed snakes. I am fucking insecure, and maybe that's fucking why I believe everything people tell me. All the words of "comfort". Because I fucking need it. I hate feeling insecure. I wish someone would just take me away.
I'm better off living in my dreams when I sleep at night. Dreams don't come true. They are just your creations so that you could escape from reality, even if it's just for a little while. I really don't know who really cares and who don't. Whether it's really sincere, or just tryna get something back from me, like.. idk..
Anyways, tomorrow at 1400hrs is my retest. With Edmund. I fucking hate that guy. I just hope he'll pass me tomorrow. I am not looking forward to repeating my entire semester because of this fucked up procedure.
God, you really need to work on your resolutions. Really, one of it should be: To make things better for people who deserves it, like me. Is there really a God in the first place? If there is, where is He? He didn't answer my prayers. He must hate me.
I love you, and I hate you.
the beauty exposed ; 10:07 PM
Monday, January 15, 2007
What is your fucking problem
Lemme tell you today's schedule and how it went...
1000hrs: Had skills assessment. Today is just not my day, and lady luck is not on my side this morning. I had 2 sucky procedures to be done.. and I didn't practice for either of it, and I know I am going to fail. I just felt like crying and tell the lecturer to not waste his/her time and just fail me. And on top of that, I got the most suckiest lecturer to assess me. A total racist bitch. And she freaking asked lots of questions. Nevermind that, she asked questions that are freaking weird. And she had to point out even the tiniest flaws I made. I managed to pass bladder washout, but I failed PEG feeding. So the remedial is this Wednesday at 1400hrs. Good luck to me. I came out of the room, and I was very close to tears. I had to deal with the shouting and shit, and it was kinda.. Idk.. Sighs
14oohrs: Had only an hour to practice for a presentation due in the next hour. It was chaotic, and well... there were disagreements and stuff. So we just rushed through it, argued, continued, packed and go. I was worried that we were gonna flunk this presentation because of the chaos everyone's causing.
1500hrs: I was a nervous wreck. My hands were cold, I was trembling. I was so scared, and I don't quite like public speaking, hence, I dislike presentations. We prepared the setting for the presentation, ran around the room pasting things here and there, and putting the charts in order. Then everyone started coming in, and we assigned a seat for them. So there it was, I was the first presenter. I started off, I was pretty nervous, and kept looking at my paper every now and then, trying to avoid eye contact. But all in all, the presentation ran smoothly, and the audience had a good time laughing, and my lecturer enjoyed it. We got a good response from the lecturer, and we got a distinction for it! Yay! My first distinction. I'm pretty happy about it. That got me to forget about my first test for a while.
1600hrs: Studied for the next test.. Was kinda worried cuz nothing was getting into my head. I was just scared cuz the results come as automatically when I end the test. I just listened to my friends panicking and studying and memorizing in front of me. I learnt something from them repeating the same points over and over again. Did me some good I guess.
1700hrs: And I found myself sitting in front of the computer, waiting for the test to commence. And it finally did. I was hyperventilating, and I could feel my heart palpations. The questions were tricky, and on top of that, the options for the answers all seem similar. Like the answers all had the same meaning, but it's still different. I really felt like just randomly clicking and submit. I read the same sentence over and over before answering, and it was really terrible. That's the result when you don't attend the lectures. When you only attend the first and last lecture. Nothing comes out good. But I finally saw my result, and I got a C. At least I passed. I'm pretty happy about that. It doesn't matter what grade, just as long as I passed it.
2000hrs: I promised that I am gonna study my bio, and here I am still, typing this thing out. I haven't ate anything yet. Will do in a while, and study some stuff. I don't wanna fail for tomorrow's test. But well, things happen, and hence it led me into being here. *inserts racist comments* - That fucking hurt me, you know. Idk how, but it just did.
I really have nothing to say now. Idk, maybe it's better off to be numb. I wish I was bragging and exaggerating about my fucking problems, really, I wished I am. Be like a spoilt brat who exaggerates everything. Really, if you're not here to make me feel better, even a little bit, leave me alone. Don't make me feel any worst.
FUCK IT AND LEAVE IT.
the beauty exposed ; 9:19 PM
Thursday, January 11, 2007
stress
Stressed out...
Projects...
Tests...
Assessments...
And so little time to study for it all... And to complete it all...
How would I know you're for real....? How do you want me to believe what you tell me...? When here we are, looking into nothing, no expressions and warmth, how do I know it's all for real...?
the beauty exposed ; 10:28 PM
Thursday, January 4, 2007
The horrible first week of 2007
I know I am like 4 days late, but anyhow, HAPPY NEW YEAR! It's finally the long awaited 2007.
I'm back to school, and was welcomed with a test on the first day. Yes, it suck getting a test on the first day, but it was kinda easy. So no worries for me. Back to reality the moment school starts, back to projects, exams, lectures and shit. I am still in the holiday mood, trust me. I wish it was still the holidays, as I haven't got the best of it yet.
It is only the 4th day of 2007, and it is turning out to be horrible. I got bitched at last night by a guy I didn't know, and he doesn't know me either. He told me that my boyfriend was cheating on me before I turn 18. Now how would he know that? An online friend of mine, Eric, decided to hit on him, but apparently, nothing came outta it. The moron just randomly pick people to piss off that day. But still, it was really rude of him, and it affected me pretty badly. Yes, what people think about me matters. I do care about it. If you don't, then you're probably lying. I told Tony about it, but he just became very distant and cold about it. Like in the 'on-guard' mode. I don't know. So much for a better new year.
Then today, I got bombed in VampireFreaks.com. And that person had to report me to the VF Admin for downrating as well. Really, I hate fuckers and they irritate me. I am so mad.
I just have this feeling that 2007 is gonna fill with lots of screw ups and life won't exactly be nice to me. It has never been, and never will. I'm finally 18, but what difference does it make to the previous years? So much for a fairy tale that made me kept on hoping. How could I forget that fairy tales don't even happen in dreams. I'm just unlucky, I guess.
I see how people around me get lucky and filled with happiness and joy. Getting praised, compliments, cash, friends, partners, holidays, etc. And what do I get? Nothing. 2007, and nothing changed. Things are always the same, and will always be the same. I hardly get lucky with anything, despite waiting for so long for something to happen. Yeah, things to happen, hprrible things that leave a bad trail of memories with it. Memories I don't need to have, I don't need to remember. But it's there, and forever there, unless I get amnesia. Then maybe I will begin life all over again in a better note.
I was supposed to go to the zoo on my birthday, but it got cancelled. Because he decided to get drunk the night before on New Year's Eve. So there, he came back with a hangover, so that's why it got cancelled. My ruined 18th birthday plan. Not a good way to begin the year, is it?
I wonder if I will ever get immuned to it. To all the screw ups and ruins and stuff. I do wonder.
Gah! My fingernails are super long now that it's super hard to type on this keyboard. It keeps giving me this funny feeling on my nails. It sucks, I should get it cut or trimmed.
Hmm, anyways, for my birthday, on a happier note. I got lucky charms from my China friend. It was really sweet of her, remembering my birthday and giving me a present. My bigger group of friends who shared some money bought me a handbag with BodyShop items inside. It was: Cranberry soap, Cranberry Lotion, and Cranberry shower gel.
I'm really following up with Prison Break, that I'm now on the Season 2. I'm thinking of getting the DVDs to keep it for the future. It's really a good show not to be missed. It's full of suspense and good action, I might say. It's all about intelligence and brains. Oh, and boys.
Well, I guess that's it for the day. I'm bored. And it's freaking cold (to me).
the beauty exposed ; 7:01 PM
