The day whereby I post out the list of songs I adore so much, and how the songs relate to certain special people in my life. About how much I think of them, or how they just magically pop into my head the moment the tunes blast out of my headphones.
Though some of the music might be a little corny, and don't make much sense to anyone, but still... it holds a lot of dear meaning to me, and probably I would be the only person who would understand (and well, maybe the special person as well. Ha!)
The following list of songs are for the respective special people in my life (in a random order. I don't do favoritism, ok? LOL)
Skeptics and True Believers by The Academy Is... dedicated to Kenny ("would you believe if I say I didn't need you? 'Cause I wouldn't believe if you said the same to me")
4AM Forever by Lostprophets and What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts dedicated to Jake (The day you walked out of my life was the day I lost my bestest friend)
Moment by Aiden and Thunderby Boys Like Girls dedicated to someone I shall not name (too shy la) ("I will wait for this moment where our lips collide, and almost stopped the earth")
Sister by S2S dedicated to my dear sister (The song explains everything ♥)
Here I Am by Halifax dedicated to my friends with a dream (I'm always supporting you guys all the way, despite anything and everything, the negative, the positive. Just live your dreams, work for it, make it come true)
That's When I Love You by Aslyn dedicated to my future boy (Lol)
You'll Be Safe Here by Rivermaya dedicated to Kyle ("when nobody hears you scream, I'll scream with you... You'll be safe here")
Iris by New Found Glory dedicated to Derek (You're the older brother, the so-called "twin" I never had. You always seem to know how to decipher me)
You're Not Alone by Saosin dedicated to Pei Xuan (I may not know what you're going through, all the hard times and such, but you'll never be alone as long as I'm around, ya?)
Haloby Bethany Joy Lenz dedicated to my mom (I may not be perfect, and I don't want you to think I am perfect, but I still love you the same, nonetheless)
I probably have a lot of other songs, but I just can't recall them all at the moment as my brain is pretty fried as I'm typing this entry out (I've been awake since 5AM, so please, cut me some slack!). Above all, even if you're not mentioned, you're not forgotten. For all you know, I might be thinking of you all the while, just finding the perfect song for you.
From Central to 'A' side to Central to High-D to 'A' side to High-D.
I'm going nuts. I don't even know the concept of continuity of care anymore. Cuz I get to see a different set of patients everyday!
Even my housemen noticed that I'm being thrown all over the ward. "That's what you get for being too capable and being able to adapt too quickly to new environments... and also getting too much of a compliment from us doctors"
"Compliment? What compliment?"
"It's between us doctors and your ward sisters"
Pfft.
And don't ask why I've got ONE month worth of roster up. It's madly insane, and it's gonna seem like December is gonna be one very long month.
And golly, I'm turning 20 soon. I missed the life I had before all this. Really.
the beauty exposed ; 11:47 PM
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
New Moon
Bought the sequel: New Moon. Yay! Counting down the days to the movie!
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Managed my second deceased case today. Gotta start getting immune to this.
--
Anyhow, other than that... I'm so dead tired. Work's a bitch.
My SNM informed me that my current ward is way better than DEM, and I shouldn't transfer there. I'm kinda tempted listening to her to get me to stay. She told me there's eyes everywhere, ears everywhere in DEM, and the SSNs aren't like the SSNs I'm currently working with. I sorta believed her on that.
And besides, I like my housemen. They can be the best people sometime. This batch may be blur, but they are nice to bully and joke with. I could name a few I could get along with really well, but well, confidential. Let's not leak their identities here.
---
2008's to an end. What's my new year resolutions? Nothing.
the beauty exposed ; 6:30 PM
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Edward Cullen
It was unbelievably funny. I find tiny pleasures in enjoying a childish, animated movie. (Let's ignore the fact that the kids in the cinema were as annoying as ever, but I made my own suicide risk of watching the movie on a school holiday. The kids don't even know what to laugh at, and like duh, unable to understand the so obvious inside jokes of the movie) But it was good. Light-hearted, funny, and just so.... comical (duh!).
Go watch it if you haven't.
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I'm almost towards the end of my Twilight book, and soon to venture out to New Moon. As I read each page, I find myself getting so addicted + obsessed with the book (yes, no one but me can touch it now). It's just so intriguing.
I can't remember the last time I felt so attached to characters from a book (ok, maybe that time when I was reading A Devil's Disciple by Glenn Meade. It was horrifyingly good... and thrilling).
But anyhow, this Twilight book really caught me off-guard. I wasn't expecting much... not until I've got half the book done. It's ludicrous that I'm somehow sharing the same emotions as the Bella Swan (the female lead) (not towards the male lead.. EVERYONE is feeling the same way about the male lead, trust me). It's just the way when you want someone, yet you can't have that someone, and yet you'd go by all means, putting yourself in danger, etc etc just to be close to that someone. It's just oh-too-familiar. It's kinda creepy.
And how, oh how I wish that someone would just be like Edward Cullen (the male lead). But even so, that someone dazzles me in some magical way... I don't know if it's the way that someone looks, or the way that someone speaks, or the way that someone smells, or smiles, or laugh, or being so ignorant and oblivious to everything. I don't know. One thing that lacks, though: that someone definitely don't have the charms of Edward Cullen's (ha!). If that someone would just take the small tiny step of something, or at least just something.... whatever (at a lost for words here). I can bet a hundred percent that someone DON'T even know I'm talking about him. Ironic, isn't it?
Perfect characters only come out from books, from fantasies, from dreams. Totally agreed. I'd search the world for someone as perfect as Edward Cullen, even if he is some ungodly vampire. He could suck my blood dry for all I care, at least I died happy in his arms (ignore me, I'm talking plain crap here).
Anyhow, I'm gonna ramble about Edward for a little bit... about his oh-so-perfection. He's charming. A dazzler, apparently. Quiet. Eccentric. Good-looking. Pale. A vampire. Swinging moods. Nice eyes. Probably nice smile, too. Athletic-figure. Muscular. Low, husky voice. Gentle. A gentleman, basically. Well-mannered. Apologetic, to a certain extent. Sweet, I suppose. Unpredictable. Decisive, I think.
See what I meant by perfect? Now, if only ALL guys were to be like that. Or if only that someone has all that qualities. Now guys, what you've got to do is pick up a Twilight book in the bookstore (it won't cost more than 20bucks, I promise), and read it to the end. If interested, pick up the next book, and so on. And learn from Edward!
And ladies, pick up the book and start indulging yourself in it.
It's worth every cent, every second you spend reading it, I promise.
P/S: Not for those who aren't interested in those romance thingy.
P/P/S: The description given of Edward Cullen wasn't based on the actor depicting him in the movie. It was solely based on the feeling I get while reading the book, and the image I managed to conjure up in my mind.
ONE MONTH MORE! (for official airing in ever-slow Singapore, that is) It's on 18.12.08 if you still don't know.
P/P/P/S: Haven't you realized how similar all vampires look like? Remember the vampires from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel and Charmed?
the beauty exposed ; 12:43 PM
Friday, November 21, 2008
You give love a bad name, darling
It is easy to be hated by many, and not wanted by any
Title: You Give Love A Bad Name Performed by: Atreyu
the beauty exposed ; 12:59 PM
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Sick... again.
After much debate, I managed to swap my nights with someone else. So I'm free of nights this couple of weeks. And I also had to let go of some of my leave slot to someone else. Blah.. Looks like I'll be working on my 21st birthday.
Sorry for the late update on the roster... no time. All thanks to the wacky schedule.
And today, I really am ill and need a break from work.
And I also realized I can't be a preceptor. I had a preceptee around with me yesterday, and I just can't make it. I can't teach anything for nuts sake.
I can't believe my friends are getting married/engaged before me. LOL. Engagement ceremony this Saturday to attend, and a wedding ceremony yet to be announced. *jealous*
And now I'm off.... to the doctor.
ONE MORE MONTH TO TWILIGHT MOVIE!!!!
the beauty exposed ; 9:41 AM
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Oh boy, what a day.
Of all Saturdays I've worked.... THIS IS BY FAR THE WORST! I've never been so busy on a Saturday, ever. This is beyond my imagination. I don't know what's next.
Today, everyone decided to piss me off. Or maybe it's just me, awaiting to explode (or already exploded without me knowing). Let's roll. The day started off okay, not much changes and stuff. Then came the breast care nurse, trying to educate me on how to do a dressing... I was wondering 'why should I even fucking care when I'm sending this patient off to another ward this afternoon? Shouldn't she be teaching the nurses in the other ward?' Fine, so I just shut up, and stare blankly while she does the dressing... until a bloody registrar (med onco) came in and said 'eh, you, the i/c, come out'. Fucking rude. I stepped out, and she asked 'why is the blue letter still here? It's already 11.45am, almost 12 noon already! You expect the letter to walk on its own, is it? Is it fair to me when I've already spoken to the hematologist? So can you tell me why it's still here?' And I explained... and she was still fucking pissed off, so I was like 'fine, if you insist, I'll despatch it now'. Do bear in mind that no one does referrals after 12noon on Saturdays... And she fucking wrote that fucking letter like half hour before, and clipped it on the file without letting me know, thinking I've got eyes glued to every single fucking file. As expected, it got bounced back. Whatever. I seriously don't fucking care. Fine, that's done.
Next, my bloody MO told me to despatch an ABG as urgent... so I got my HCA to despatch it. 10 mins later, she came back, and told me she already sent it down.. Fine. 5 minutes later, the MO came to me: 'You despatched the ABG by a "porter" (yes, he did the comma thingy with his bloody fingers), right?' My reply: 'Yes. It was 10 minutes ago' He said: 'But how come the technician told me they haven't received it uh?' My reply: 'I've no idea, I sent my HCA to send it down, and she did, and she's back, and informed me' He said: 'So where's the results? Where's that slip of paper I want to see?' My reply: 'Huh? Results? I know it's urgent, but we've got to wait for the results' He said: 'bullshit. They will give the result stat! Don't bullshit with me. Did you or did you not despatch the ABG?' My reply: 'YES!' My HCA interrupted: 'I despatched it, and the technician downstairs said to leave it at the basket, and I told them it's urgent. But they never give me any slip' I said: 'They never gave us any slips before, urgent or not' He said: 'Don't try to tell me those kind of rubbish. They WILL ALWAYS give the results STAT because it's URGENT. I've been doing that SO MANY TIMES in the past years, so don't tell me they don't produce any RESULTS' My reply: 'Well, they didn't. What do you want me to do about it?' He slammed the case file, and walked away, saying so loudly: 'FINE! I'LL GET THE RESULTS MYSELF. YOU ALL ARE HOPELESS'.
Fucking bastard. Blame it on his fucking post-call, but whatever, okay? He was nice when we did our night together, but today, this morning, he was just...... not him. But it's no excuse to get pissed off at someone who's trying her very best to get everything done. I am nothing but ONE human being caring for 16 bloody patients with their ever-so-irritating relatives and having to attend to annoying callbells for ridiculous demands, and having to settle all the fucking paperwork, and do the stupid changes inked up by the fucking doctors, and I've only got less than 8 hours to complete every single fucking thing. So just shut up, okay. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I cracked up a bit in the prep room while preparing the bottle of albumin to transfuse... and sucked it all in.
And every single one of my patients got a piece of my mind today. I don't give a shit anymore if I'm gonna get any complains, or whatever. In fact, I received one call of complain today, which I think might be directed over to my supervisor, so on and so forth. But I no longer give a shit.
It's not easy having to have the patience, and smile, and attend to your fucking ridiculous demands (of helping you press the fucking button to lower the head of the bed when you can fucking do it yourself), and answering questions which I've answered a million times before to the fucking same person. And at the same time, you've got calls to answer and make. You've got doctors crawling all over your head with a million questions or orders awaiting, and expecting them to be done stat. You've got tons of paperwork to complete. You've got patients who are actually dangerously-ill-listed, and need attention stat, but other fuckers tend to waste my fucking time while the condition of the patient happily deteriorates.
Yes fuckers, I've finally exploded, I think.
I am not going to be all smiley, and nice to doctors. I've been nice to them, doing them favors of taking the bloods cuz I know they are busy with their own changes. I've been nice to let them take their time before coming by to ink something up, or check something, or do changes for me. I've been nice to say 'thank you' and 'please', and smile and joke with them. I've been too nice. And for what? To get yelled at? To get shouted at? To get this kind of fucking attitudes?
Same to the patients. What's the point? It's not like I'm receiving commission for treating them extra nice. It's not like they are going to remember me. It's not like they are definitely going to compliment me despite me going the fucking extra mile for them, advocating for them, looking out for their fucking best interests. But they will definitely complain if I do a tiny little mistake. Fuck you, okay. Just fuck away from me.
It's a fucking fucked up Saturday, and I fucking ended work late. I didn't get to go even for a fucking quick break. Heck, I never get to go for breaks at all even on any other days because of all these fuckers. That's why I am losing so much weight. That is why I am always sickish. Don't you fucking people ever wonder how we do it? Don't you ever ask yourself? Dammit.
---
Anyways, on a lighter note... Decided to 'lepak' with my colleague Fiza after work. Dined at Secret Recipe cuz we're both way beyond starvation. Accidentally bumped into our previous NP student who was attached to our ward, but our convo was brief.
Then, decided to find our way to the Singapore Flyer.... It was funny as both of us didn't know how to get there. We followed the path blindly, and finally, decided to stalk behind a family and follow their trail.... And amazingly, we got there!
No. I did not ride the Flyer. I am waiting for someone, anyone to bring me there. Though it might be crammed with another 15 people or so, it'll still be pretty romantic/cool to be just brought up there.
Anyhow, our wish of dining at Popeye's Chicken didn't happen... Keeping it for next time... And we decided to do the mini 'jungle' track, and became camwhores for a while. I just can't view the bloody pictures on my phone... Gah!
Then on, we went to sit at Esplanade for a couple of hours, just talk and 'lepak-ing', and not really enjoying the music performed by the sucky band called 'Punkh'. The tunes they were playing were super horrible. Their performance was superly un-cool. It was just crap, okay?
And then we headed back home.
---
A Vacant Affair is performing at Esplanade's Recital Studio on the 26th December, 9.30pm. The tix is being sold at $25 each (excluding Sistic charges). ANYONE WANNA ACCOMPANY ME?!
the beauty exposed ; 10:19 PM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Is this the end of my blogging days?
True, I haven't updated in a week. Why? Cuz there's nothing exciting to blog about.
Let's just recap about stuff that happened a few days back. Last Thursday, dragged myself to the airport to welcome Derek & parents. Left the parents at home, went out with Derek, and the usual clique. Blah.
Friday was the start of my nights.
Monday, I slept my day through. It was as if Monday NEVER happened, really.
Tuesday, out again.
Wednesday (today), out with Corrine & PX to Wasabi Tei. The service was bad (cuz there's no service charge), but the portion was darn generous. Go try if you enjoy being in a cosy, but rather crammed up eating area... Just look forward for the food. Don't bother about ambience and shit like that. No GST + Service charge = what do you expect?
I've nothing to do on the internet anymore.
Bought Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series... Gonna get the second series next week, and it goes on. Anyways, have you seen the guy playing Edward Cullen yet? If not, here's a picture:
And here's the perfect guy that should be playing as the role of Edward Cullen:
No? You can't tell the difference? The second picture is wiL Francis - frontman of the band: Aiden. He just naturally look like a vampire for some good reasons.
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If you've been taking the train recently, you'd notice this stupid ad: Q:"Is there space for another 2 million people?" A: _______________________________
Well, here's my answer: FUCKING NO! Are you people fucking retarded? We've got a bloody population of close to 5 million people (and 4 million or probably more of them are of FUGLY people), and you wanna add another 2 million? Are you seriously insane?
We only have a land area of 704km2.. And the country is fucking humid. More people = more heat. And everywhere we go, we see rows and rows of concrete. No trees. And direct sunlight. And more people. Out of the 5 million, at least close to a million are foreigners, for fuck's sake. And they are fucking over-crowding every-fucking-where. Honestly, I don't mind foreigners.... if they are a bit... say... less 'barbaric' (having a lack of word here). If they could just stop budging into people so rudely, talk so fucking loudly, having a terrible fashion sense, and just smell a little bit more nicer to the nostrils (I bet by now it's so fucking obvious which kinda foreigners I'm talking about). Another thing: stop ogling like as though you've never seen a human before, and quit trying to follow me home. I swear I'll sever your balls, fry it, and make you eat it. ARGH.
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Anyhow, try to forget about getting a more frequent update from me for a little while... as for the meantime, I seriously am running out of topics to blog about, and there hasn't been anything interesting happening around me ever since I've started working, and people also started dissipating. So is this the end....?
Whatever.
the beauty exposed ; 10:31 PM
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Birthdays.
So I've been pondering about what I should do for my 20th birthday... What? You don't know? It's coming up in less than 2 months, moron! So, hurry! Get me a birthday present already!!
I thought I'd do throw a birthday bash...
Then again, I doubt I'd be doing anything at all for any upcoming birthdays. It's just a pain in the ass to know I am growing older, and not any younger. So for my 20th birthday, I won't be doing anything, I suppose. No parties. No outings. No invites. Nothing. I might just bring my joke to life: Me in a dark room, with a cupcake in my hands and one lone candle lighting on top of it. And me singing the birthday song to myself. Depressing, eh? Lol. Nah, I won't be doing anything for my birthday.
Why?
It's just another day. It's just a day that tells me I'm (sadly) a year older, with no directions in life yet. With no achievements. With nothing, just the numbers I'm living with.... yes, I'm referring to age. I think I'm just gonna go 'MIA' during my birthday week. It's time for self-reflection, really. 20 years, and.... nothing? Really?!
I remembered the mini party I had for my 16th birthday thrown by my ex. That was sweet.. I wasn't expecting a party when I walked into the apartment... with happy faces, balloons, streamers, and a cake.
For my 17th birthday: I had no birthday plans. I was brought to dinner at Fish 'n' Co. Well, it was an advanced treat as everyone wanted to be at the New Year's countdown party.. But I enjoyed the food, the noise, and the birthday song.
For my 18th birthday: I was at home alone. Was so upset that someone refused to head out to a countdown party with me, telling me that it's so crowded, and boring and shit... and the next thing I knew, that someone was home drunk, just returning from a countdown party. wtf? I remembered sobbing the day through.
For my 19th birthday: I had no birthday plans. It was attachment period, so bleah... it took away all the hype in me. Was forced to head to the beach and count down... And then party from K and gang. And I was really upset about something, again.
For my upcoming 20th birthday: NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. And I am not expecting anything. It's ok if you don't have presents to give, or slipped your mind to wish me, or just about anything, for I don't care. It's just another day. The day I know I'm not getting any younger, and that it's the year 2009.
And so on, and so forth.
I need fresh ideas for a post.
Shout-out to:
PX & Corrine: I think the Mt. Faber thingy will only happen January 2009, or even later, somehow. Just a feeling.
K & D. Kendrick: You both were RIGHT about EVERYTHING. I wish I'd listen to both of you instead of being a stubborn brat and hurting myself, my dignity, my morals, and everything else I've got. Next time, slap me in the face.
I figured out that the metaphor 'wolf in sheep's clothing' is very real. Not everyone are who they seem, or portray to be.
the beauty exposed ; 11:31 PM
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Youngsters aren't capable of working.....?!
Taste of Chaos tour which is happening on the 8th of November at Fort Canning Park, and consisting of Atreyu, As I Lay Dying, and Story of the Year..... and I've got to miss it. ARGHHHH! Fucking night shifts la! A7X's gig, I was doing night shift.... Now this tour, night shift again. (Don't ask me why I'm doing nights frequently ah... I'm a soon-to-be-perm-night-staff.... cheyyy...)
---
I overheard someone saying the following:
"How can they let these young idiots work? These young punks don't know what work is la, they are still in their own world, don't know what responsibility is. *tsk tsk tsk*"
Imagine how infuriated I was upon hearing those sentences. I mean, what the fuck, dude? It's US YOUNGSTERS that are contributing to the new society.... looking after old fucktards like you, chipping in MONEY for your own benefits, doing VOLUNTEER work, etc etc.
What does age have got to do with work nowadays? Except for the part that experience comes with age.... But everyone has got to start somewhere, right? And like many people say, 'it's better off to start at a young age'.
Back during your grandfather's time, or your grandfather's father's time, they started working at a very tender age... let's say.... 10years old. Yup, face it. They've got to start earning money at that age, and help contribute to the family's income. OK, maybe because back then, there wasn't much need for an education... But still, they started working at a very young age....
Today, we've got such thing called EDUCATION, and as we all know it, it's a bloody important thing. So, ok, we studied until like... what, 20? To get a diploma, that is.... and then we find a job... (I'm not talking about those who are solid slackers who don't even wanna think about working). If we are not bloody qualified, and not responsible enough, and don't know shit about the world, we won't be fucking hired, asshole. Start at a young age, gain experience, and the new generation would be able to HELP OUT when the older generation gets retrenched or retired. THINK ABOUT THAT. WE ARE HELPING OUT WITH THE NATION'S ECONOMY, DAMMIT. And yes, I know there are some who started working at an even younger age, like 15 or 16, right after their 'O's or 'N's..... but so what? At least they bothered finding a job, and earning hard-earned cash... instead of being a useless scum. Right?
Anyways, back to the sentences I overheard. I was so pissed off that I went out of the room, and spoke so loudly to my colleague: "If we are young idiots and can't work, fine, then I'm going home. We both should go home and not bother working anymore... Let all these idiots take care of themselves, clean their own freaking shit, serve their own freaking IVs and meds, and do their own dressings and everything else we've been doing for them. Let's see if their bloody know-it-all spouses would even wipe their freaking asses for them, or walk patiently with them to the washroom. Oh, wait, who gave them the support they need when no one else is around? Isn't it us, the YOUNG IDIOTS who happened to work here?"
Don't look down on youngsters, people. We do contribute to the society. Yes, I agree, I may still be in my own world, but I do know what responsibility is. If I don't know what that is, everyone under my care would be deceased since a long time ago. Yes, I also agree that I lack experience, but I am working, and learning at the same time. I learn from my seniors, I take my failure as a lesson. Because ONE DAY, I will be the fucking senior after the older generation are gone from the workforce. Face it, you won't be at the top of the workforce forever.
Bottomline, give us a goddamned chance, dammit.
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A random shoutout to PX & Corrine: When's our next sushi outing, girls? Miss both of you la. And of course, pretzels treat for everyone! XD
And oh boy, this weekend nights, I am so opening bottles. If you are free..... you may join me in the ward.... I'll hide you in a very comfortable, cozy place, and you may leave the next morning or wait at the waiting area and we could go home together.... feeling high. XD
And once more, I'm counting the days to absolutely nothing but disappointment. -sigh- Tired of thinking la. I think I've officially given up. NEXT!
, I doubt I'd be doing anything at all for any upcoming birthdays. It's just a pain in the ass to know I am growing older, and not any younger. So for my 20th birthday, I won't be doing anything, I suppose. No parties. No outings. No invites. Nothing. I might just bring my joke to life: Me in a dark room, with a cupcake in my hands and one lone candle lighting on top of it. And me singing the birthday song to myself. Depressing, eh? Lol. Nah, I won't be doing anything for my birthday.
