After a week of planning this outing, it finally happened! And I'm so glad that it did happened!
I really miss all those wacko moments with them all. The outing just made me relive those days we were back in school. I really miss all those times. We all should do this again, soon, yeah?
Anyhow, all of us gathered at the ever-so-crowded City Hall. It was bustling with so much people, we could hardly move (it just reminded me of the NDP day out). Anyhow, some were late (I admit I was one of them), and we had no exact plans on where to go. So we stood for what seemed like an hour in front of Raffles Plaza to just come up with a place to have our dinner.
Initially, we all agreed to dining at Furama Hotel's restaurant, despite its cost of SGD40 plus per head. Unfortunately, it was fully booked. Royal Scotts was also full. I think Hyatt was also full. So basically, we gave up at the thought of dining at a restaurant (although all of us wanted buffet, cuz we're just so darn hungry).
Head over to Marina Square, and looked around for places to eat. Seoul Garden was full. Even Breeks was full. It was already close to 7pm (we met up at about 5pm). Close to giving up, we finally found a place: Thai Express. What the heck, right? But it was enjoyable. We ordered whatever we wanted to order, and ate like we've never eaten before. Steamboats, a la carte, etc. It was a pretty huge group (consisting of: Chun, Chun's gf, Hwee, Ruby, XinYing, PeiXuan, Hoon, Nic, Rania, Hasnah, Nadiah, Fairuz, me). It was kinda hard to hold a conversation with everyone, so we just spoke to whomever was near. We were all laughing away, and talking ever so loudly, joking around, etc. I didn't snap alot of photos (too busy eating), but here's what I managed to get:
The flash from Fairuz's camera spoilt this picture.
My seafood kway teow!
Rania always know when the camera is directed at her.
The aftermath... counting the cash for proper division.
The bulk of the photos are with Fairuz... need to wait for him to upload em before I will post it all out here.
After dinner, we head out to the Esplanade's ChillOut Stage for BayBeats. Unfortunately, most of them were not up for it (or didn't know what BayBeats was).... so I had to miss out on it. Kinda disappointed, but whatever. Decided to take a bus ride to Somerset, and intended to watch a movie, but the timings SUCKED. Ended up, all of us were chilling out at Coffee Bean, and just catching up with so many things. It was so obvious that all of us were getting so restless, yawning away, teary eyed, and such... so we finally split up at around 2320hrs, sharing cabs home. I reached home at around 0015hrs, I think.. Somewhere along that line..
It was a shitload of fun. Really. All the different, matured mindsets, different looks (gaining of weight, or losing of weight, or haircuts, etc)... We have got to do this again soon (instead of waiting like 6 months or so). I really miss you guys! Shouldn't we all plan out a chalet just like old times?!! Even for one effin' day?
The next time we're meeting, we'll prepare beforehand, aighty? So that we'll have a proper place to dine. XD
Now, I'm off to jam.
the beauty exposed ; 10:40 AM
Thursday, August 28, 2008
This is the ROCK world.
"There is no such thing as being friends. Not with single men and women our age. It just doesn't work out like that, unless you're talking about someone you've known for a very long time. Certainly not when it comes to strangers"
All the novels written by Nicholas Sparks should be turned into a movie, and I bet they'll be super awesome, tear-jerking movies.
I'm just so burnt-out now, and I'm not sure if my brain's gonna function well. I've been yawning since 2pm, my eyes are dry, I'm having a heartburn, and I just wanna sleep.
Work updates. Today wasn't so bad. I managed to complete all my work on time, and could even help out with the afternoon duties, and talked to my housemen. I'm still so euphoric that my favorite houseman 1) remembers my name, 2) tried making small talk with me, 3) grabbed onto my shoulders, 4) held my hands, 5) chose me to ask for help despite there are other people around. He's such a good-looking guy, and basically, almost all the girls that know him are drooling at him, running after him, etc, etc. And he simply brush it all off. OK, sure, I'm infatuated with this houseman. Everyone is, in fact. Haa!
Phone updates. Slowly getting used to my new phone. Red is the new fucking black. FFAF sure got that one right.
Joke: My student (who's 9 years older than me), innocently asked me:
"Are you married?"
Let me re-enact the entire situation to when that question popped up.
PM Shift. I'm quietly writing my report. My student was standing opposite me, flipping through the charts. Suddenly...
Student: Eh.... Staff nurse... Me: Hmmm? (Still focused on my report) Student: Are you married? Me: (stopped my report, looked up) Married? Why? Student: Just wondering... Me: (clearing my case sheets) What do you think? Student: I think you're married... Me: Why do you say so? Student: I don't know.... you look like those.... sweet nurses who get married at quite a young age.. Then you always look forward to going home.. your face always lit up when it's like one hour more to going home... Me: Isn't everyone's happy about going home? Student: Ya... but you look like you're so happy going home... like as though you're going home to a loving husband who's waiting up for you.. Me: Err.. husband? Student: Ya... Me: Do you know how old I am? Student: Erm.... 21? Me: 19. Student: What? Serious? Me: And not married. No one wants to be my husband. Student: What? How come?! But you have the looks of being a good wife. And I really think you will get married soon. Me: How I hope. Student: You will. You deserve a good guy, and he's out there waiting for you. Me: ... I gotta get back to work... You should probably do elimination rounds.
That was it. That got me thinking so much... I told my mom about it, and she said: 'I agree with the student about you getting married early. I can just picture you getting married in 2 - 3 years time'.
Gee...
Title: The Promise
Performed by: New Found Glory
the beauty exposed ; 7:08 PM
Monday, August 25, 2008
Death of my W850i
It's official.
My S.E W850i died today. Literally. The phone that had survived for almost 2 years with me, through my deepest anger and joyous moments. It finally gave up.
Sounds so tragic.
I found a replacement for it, though.
S.E G900.
Still not familiar with the phone, and it lags, and I am not used to the entire touch-screen thing. And I need to get an M2 stick for it (Buy me an 8gb M2 stick?). It plays MP3, MP4, capture moments with a 5MP camera, allows me to blog-on-the-go with WiFi, and is pretty light and slick. And finally, I chose a phone of a different color. It's no longer black phones for me... it's red. Yes, red. It's pretty, look feminine enough, and I guess, I've got some adjusting to do.
Bad news.
I lost everyone's number. Honest. Every single person that I knew.... I may not be able to contact anymore. So people, do e-mail me your number, or leave it via MSN, or just text me. My number hasn't changed. Apologies if you text me and I reply with 'Huh? Who are you?' kinda message. I just lost everyone's number since the death of my W850i.
I guess my dreams of owning a C905 won't be achieved. Let's wait till next year, and hopefully by then, a 12.1MP phone with WiFi, 4G, and everything else will be invented. Technology is so savvy nowadays, so I won't be so surprised if something like that pops up.
Damn.. I just remembered... all the photos in my W850i... and songs... and videos... It's gone. =(
Work today. Deployed over to B2... it wasn't exactly bliss, but it's better than Central in some ways. There wasn't bugging from stupid visitors, no bugging from the doctors, and most importantly, the patients were all behaving really well. But still, I was very disoriented. The layout were different, the staff were different, the styles were different. But everyone was so sweet to me. Hee ^_^.
My students kept asking me: Why did you choose to be a nurse?
I've never deliberated much about it till today...
So why did I chose 'nursing' as my foremost choice while I was penning down my choices?
I guess I was drowned in sorrow while watching Pearl Harbor that day, with the choice sheet neatly located in front of me. And I was so drawn to the nurses in that movie, and I just sat back thinking, 'What if I be just like them? I could help change a lot of people's lives!'. Still, I was still stuck between the choice of 'nursing', and 'fashion design' (some course at TP). So I went on watching the movie, tearing away... and I think back then, the war was still going on, and I happened to know a few soldiers involved in it. And then I thought, 'I could help the wounded, help those who truly need my help in their time of need... I want to be a military nurse!'. There, my mind was set. I also had a friend who was really sick back then, and I felt so helpless and pathetic each time I'm unable to do anything to help... so I partially wanted to be a nurse so that I could care for him. Guess that never happened.
Anyways, back to my military nurse story. I excitedly chose 'nursing' as my first choice, not knowing what horrors I'd be facing. (I'm the first person in the history of my family to be a registered nurse. After I became a nurse, few of my cousins decided to become one as well.) Anyhow, I became really disappointed and discouraged when I found out that Singapore has NO SUCH THING as a military nurse (or flight nurse). I tried searching everywhere... and I only found: Navy medic, Army medic, paramedic. And all of it has got a minimum height requirement of 1.58m (don't ask me what's my height. I'm petite, and pretty much loving it).
So now, I'm stuck in SGH as a registered nurse. Miserable, crestfallen, melancholic, wretched, diconsolated. I am still gonna find a way to get my ass out of this hell hole. Call me a bad nurse, but work's a total bitch. Nurses are way underpaid here in Singapore, and we don't even get the respect we deserve. Hello?! Nurses are educated too! We went through a lot of hell in school before graduating, and we work a whole shitload, and we're getting paid peanuts. Do we deserve all the smirks, sarcasm, annoyance from you people? NO. Imagine a world without nurses. Who the fuck are gonna care for you till you get freaking better? Who the fuck are gonna help you with feeding you, bathing you, clothing you, serving you your medications, cleaning your wounds and ensure it's healing? Who the fuck's gonna help you argue with the doctors regarding your best interest? Who the fuck's gonna be there, holding your hand when you're anxious before your surgery? Who the fuck's gonna be there giving you encouragement during your stay? WHO THE FUCK?
So people, the next time round, before you nitpick a nurse, or complain about a nurse, think about what I've said. We are not your fucking maids. You're not the only person we're caring for... we've probably got 15 other people under our care. And we're just ONE person trying our very best. Give us some space, dammit.
Nurses are angels. I'm just comforting myself. I may be all smiles when I'm serving you at work, but deep inside, you have no idea how deep my hatred is. I may look all sweet, and demure at work, but wait till you bump into me outside. I'm just a devil in disguise at work.
Enough about nurses. Let's talk about the weekends.
This coming Saturday, WE ARE ALL GONNA MEET UP. No matter what. After your freaking AM shifts, or on your sleeping day, or before your night shift, or during your off day (even better. I don't care if you've got plans already). Our rendevouz point? Probably somewhere in the south (as suggested by Rania). Plans? Dinner, head to attend BayBeats 2008, and midnight movies. Let's club after that if anyone's up for it. So.... dress to impress, people. We haven't met for like almost.... 4 - 5 months now.
Let me end today's entry with a song...
Title: Terrified Performed by: Story of the Year
the beauty exposed ; 6:38 PM
Sunday, August 24, 2008
That voice gives me a ear-gasm.
"It's better to tell someone you like them than to merely shut up because you're afraid of rejection.. But sometimes... shutting up might save you from killing yourself due to depression"
Contradicting, but what the heck. Nice quote anyhow.
So I am seriously bored. I was debating with myself on whether I should get a new phone today... I almost did get a phone on impulse, but tried my very best to restrain myself and not get it. And I didn't... so I'm still stuck with this crappy phone of mine. Heck.
Giggles. I don't really fancy it when someone is giggling about something, and I don't know what's that something. Caught Kriz giggling to himself while on the net, so just decided to stand behind him and see what he's up to. He was reading XiaXue's old old old entries. I found it quite interesting, interesting enough for me to post the link here:
Go read it! It's fucking interesting, I swear. Oh, what is that? You're asking if I'm gonna go around and do the power fingers method? I'm not a whore, you scum. But maybe I'll try that method.... ONLY if the boyfriend allows me to.. Imagine the following scenario:
Just picture a making-out session (I'm sure you've all watched porn at some point of time, or watched a movie with adult scenes in it). Then suddenly... Me: Hmm... wait... The bf: What's wrong? Me: Lie down on the bed and keep still... The bf: You wanna try something different today? Me: Nope... The bf: Then? You finally wanna gimme a blowjob? Me: (holds his dick in my hand) Nope.. I just wanna measure it.
That'll probably make him flaccid. OK OK, I don't have to literally measure it like that. I could just capture a mental image and then visualize it and measure up. XiaXue - kudos to your friend for coming up with that method. It's brilliant.
But first, I need to find someone willing enough. XD And I'm not gonna ask for volunteers, cuz I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna like the end result.
Ear-gasm. An orgasm for the ear. My ears could burst into excitement every time I hear Shawn Milke's voice screaming out from my headphones. It is that orgasmic. I wonder how many people could get that ear-gasm title from me.... I don't know... probably... 3? And that's for the people I know personally. If you want me to include celebrities, I'd still be counting when tomorrow comes.
Fetish. I'm just dead bored, I thought I'd write about fetishes. I don't like it when guys have this odd fetish for feet. It's weird... of all things... feet. Well, at least that's better than guys having a fetish for.... body hair? Scratch that picture out, entirely. Let me admit my fetishes: I go weak in the knees if I were to hear a guy moan. And when I say moan, I really mean moaning... that low, deep sound coming out of their throats. It just sounds so smexy... Another fetish of mine is (I'm gonna start fantasizing here) tying a guy up on the bed, and blindfolding him. Doesn't it sound fun? And you get to do anything, ANYTHING, you want to him. Not that I like dominating (I very much prefer to be dominated), but the thought of it is just wondrous. I shall stop the fetish talk here.
There was once I came across a very brainless video online. I just happened to stumble upon it, and found it interesting enough for me to watch it till the end. It was about a minute's video... So apparently, this guy was sitting in front of his computer, with a webcam hidden underneath the table. And what was he doing? Wanking in front of the webcam. It is gross. Gross because 1) after he came, he wiped it on the chair he was sitting upon. 2) He had a short stumpy dick. 3) He's probably an old pervert. Brainless "porn". Again, I'm sure most of us have watched porn, but just too shy to admit. Bleah. Like someone told me: "Watching porn is a way to stay loyal to your significant other". I asked why, and he continued: "Well, when you watch porn, you get horny, right? And the immediate thing you do is masturbate while watching the porn and fantasizing. Isn't that much better than going out, saw a girl or guy, got horny, and have a one night stand?" Err..... well.... I thought the real thing is always better...
Singapore Flyer. I wanna ride on it! Someone please be kind enough to me and bring me there. It costs SGD29.90 for a 30minutes ride! It's like SGD1 per minute! Treat me there!
Fireworks Festival. I totally missed out on it. Believe it or not, I didn't even know about its existence. Ughhh.. And I only found out about it AFTER it was all over. I mean, if I knew earlier, I wouldn't have went home yesterday's evening. I'd stay out (even if it means being all by myself) to just watch it. Really. I barely saw anything during the NDP fireworks, and was quite disappointed by that, cuz I waited for like 2 weeks to catch it.
French movie. At the moment, I feel like kicking off my shoes, lie down on a bed with junk food, and watch a romantic french movie. Anyone care to join? Erm, ok... maybe if you don't want French movies, I'll just settle for English romance movies. I just feel like sobbing to a movie.
Finally, my AL is over. Back to worthless work tomorrow. Let me try to be nicer this time. I simply wish I could just work from home or something I really enjoy doing... like typing out random stuff like this, or about a particular topic (but must be interesting), or just head out there and capture random photos. Gimme a job like that, I'll thank you forever. Promise.
Sorry for the long random entry. EDITED at 2000hrs.
the beauty exposed ; 12:40 PM
Friday, August 22, 2008
Let me be the one who calls you baby all the time.........
All it takes to make my heart melt is this song. All it takes to make me stop and cry is this song. Not that it has got a special meaning behind it, it's just a sweet song. [[Girls: Don't you wish your boyfriend would just sing this song to you? He doesn't have to sound as good as Bert MacCracken (the singer), but he just have got to sing it straight from his heart. Don't you wish the boy you adore (who adores you back) just come straight out and leave you a piece of note with the lyrics written inside?]]
And all it takes to make me fall in love with you is this song.
Love. Educate me.
"Love is just a word until you find someone to give it a definition" "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to" "Love is being stupid together"
For I think love is just a game.
"Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about"
But I did, I suppose. I finally did surrender. I'll raise a white flag if I need to, crouch down and be on my knees, and beg for this to stop. I'll trade everything I've got to just make it stop.
And you know what, my dear? "Even a fool could see how much I adore you"
The days turned into weeks, which turned to months, and soon years. And now, I've given it up. And all the while... you were oblivious to everything. While every other idiot realized it. Kenny's theory: You were not oblivious. You were just playing hard to get. You just like the attention, the entire pain I've got to go through to get to you... but in the end, you just didn't care. You didn't want to reciprocate. You had no intentions. You just wanted to watch from a distant and laugh.
I'll admit to something, you never knew a thing. I never told you. Maybe I did, and made a joke out of it.
I doubt so. I figure that you'd run and never come back. Ever.
Like my sister said it, people like you are full of BS. From the hair, to the smiles, to what you wear, to how you walk, to how you talk, etc. Maybe she's being a little skeptic, overstating the fact. But still, she's got a point.
Why is it that my heart jumps and hope it's you whenever my phone buzz? Shouldn't I be over you already? Ugh.
Dear God, why are some people such assholes? Or act like one? Why?
Oh, who would have thought that I'm this pathetic when it comes to that word? Maybe LOVE is such a strong word to use at the moment. LIKE is more like it. ADORE. Pouring my little heart out here... gosh... Who would have thought a simple song could force me to walk down this heart-wrenching path? Who would have thought a simple sleep at night could end up with nightmares about you? Who would have thought that for the entire friggin day, you're running in my head? [[Aren't you tired of being in my head? 'Cause I'm kinda tired of having you there all the time]]
"Would you believe if I said I didn't need you?"
Maybe not 'need'. Find a replacement for that word yourself. I'm tired of thinking all the time. Or trying to. I'm just so pissed off at myself, at you, at everyone. I am not perfect. And "I am not bound to please thee with my answers". I've got my own flaws. Would you even bother wanting to know what it is?
I guess I need to pull myself together, and look on the brighter side of life, huh?
I just need to know when to stop. When to quit. When to give up. And I suppose this is it. I hope.
This entry is meant for somebody. Somebody which I've given up on quite some time ago, and the feeling just came back when I thought this somebody validated something, something, and something. And giving up on this somebody now is a whole lot harder than it was before due to some reasons obvious enough, I guess. [[And which somebody managed to get me head over heels for him? Go figure. And yes, it's a 'him' dammit]]
Thanks to those who gave me the courage to place this up, the quotes to live by, the pictures to beautify, and the song that began all this.
Je t'adore
But is this truly the end? Will I really give it up here? I do not know........ for you are still residing inside my head. Go away, please.
Let's play with fire, and hope we don't get burnt.
the beauty exposed ; 9:05 PM
Did you ever look Did you ever see that one person? And the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much? So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions And to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds You let this one person come down at the most perfect moment
Short Stories With Tragic Endings by From Autumn to Ashes
Aight. Initially, there was another entry here. About what I did for the day, and all the crap that I've been putting for the past few months. I've decided, it's gonna change. Well, I'll try, at least. It's gonna be more about life, than what I've done for the day-kinda-crap. *Laughs. Me and my nonsense*
First entry for this blog. I just decided to click on it. Gosh... for those who cares: The Beauty of Everything I guess I was having a pretty hard time back then, and I'm so thankful it's all behind me now. I don't want to repeat that part of my life, neither do I want to tell a story about it. It's a horrible story. I wrote that out of pure emotions coming from all over the place. And I just felt the pains of everyone, even those that I do not truly know, but read their stories somewhere. That's just how it is. The beauty of everything in life.
That girl. She's decided to haunt me for life, I suppose. Was so shocked to get a text from her after all these years. All the silence. I'm glad she didn't mention that name. Jake. I might just shred her face into pieces. That feeling is still dwelling deep in me, and no matter how I try to forgive her, I just can't. The pain she put me through. They put me through. The torment. The torture. The black mark she placed in my life. Like pen ink blotted all over a perfectly written essay. Because of them, I've to face all the shame upon seeking for a job anywhere, and get rejected a lot of times because of it. Because of that shame, SGH didn't want to really employ me, and I had to beg and promise a lot of things. They did, but they are keeping a close eye on me. Like a criminal. They made me into one. Their lies. I am trying to forgive. For 4 years now. I guess now's my turn to look down at her and laugh my head off. Cruel, I know. But that's just the way it is, ain't it?
Work. Been stressful, unworthy, waste of time. It's the people. And by people, I mean the patients. They make the work a whole lot difficult. Why can't people just be easy, for once? If you stop trying to suck my blood, I'd be a whole lot nicer to you, I'd serve you with a smile, and I'd be darn polite. *I'm sorry for my tone of voice, my body language, the look on my face, my glare, my insensitivity, my lack of patience.* But that's the way I am. I am just not suited to be a nurse. FYI, I am not gentle, pleasant, sweet, etc. I could be if you treat me right. Make me snap, and there goes. Everyone has got a limit. Mine just happened to be really low.
Inactivity. Just to let you all know... I'm no longer using VF. I've quit. It sucks now. It's all crowded with fakes. I'm hardly on MySpace anymore. I don't check Friendster and Facebook on a regular basis. I guess, it's down to this place. How long will I keep it before I totally quit it all, and just disappear? I don't know. *I should stop blogging on a daily basis too.*
Emotions. I'm just having an emotional turmoil lately. My thoughts have been so random. I'm just.... lost, I suppose. Confused, maybe that's the word. I don't know. Won't someone enlighten me? It's like all the emotions have been jumbled up. Chaotic. I think the last time I felt like this was... a year ago? 2 years ago? I wish I knew what's happening. My brain's just so whacked now. Blame it on the hormones. *Honestly, I know what's happening. But thing is, I can't bring myself to let the whole world know* I need to start being more................................ forthright about how I feel. BUT.... I fear people's reactions. "It may be deemed as nothing to one, but it may mean the entire world to another"
Satisfaction. Work satisfaction..... nope. Until the day someone willingly surrenders himself to be my slave for sadism, then I'll gain all the satisfaction I need. *Kidding, really!* I guess I'm just living life at the moment, trying to make the best out of everything. Even the things in which I presume I will never come across again, even if it's the best comfort I could ever find ever. I just need to start appreciating everything in life. No matter how small it is. And make the best of it. And just wish it'll last forever, even though in reality, it was only for a minute.
I shall not bore you anymore.
Much love. Goodnight.
Random Fact #8: I can't think of anything else to place here, really. If you really want to know who the real me is, feel free to ask. I do not promise to strip down to my bones and reveal everything I've got, but I will promise to let you know if I'm comfortable with the topic, and if I'm comfortable with you. And all I ask of you in return is to keep it a secret.
the beauty exposed ; 1:04 AM
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Well said.
"If you can't get your mind off a particular person, it just shows that you've fallen in love with that person"
- Quoted from Junjou Romantica.
the beauty exposed ; 3:54 PM
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
How do we define the term 'Lovers'?
I was just watching Junjou Romantica at 2am last night. Just couldn't sleep at all.
And I came across this episode which was interesting enough for me to blog about the few of its contents.
This boy, Misaki, was trying to define the term 'lovers'. He thought lovers should be more lovey-dovey, more flirty, and everything should be rosy and happy. He couldn't find a proper answer, so he listed out his idea of 'lovers':
- live together - eat together - go on dates - kiss - have sex - sleep together (as in sleep in the same bed at night next to one another)
But to him, despite meeting all the above stated 'requirements', he still don't consider that he and Usagi (the guy he's living with) are lovers. And he got darn confused about what their relationship are at that point.
And I have just the answer for him.
That episode got me all spaced out afterwards, and I couldn't fall asleep until about 5am. And all I did was play a bit of PSP, and the rest of the time, I was staring at all the collages on my wall, staring at my ceiling, and most importantly, thinking... questioning.
Found these 2 short poems. Just found it rather sad to read:
"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
- by Abraham Crowley
"He would not stay for me, and who can wonder?
He would not stay for me to stand and gaze.
I shook his hand and tore my heart in sunder
And went with half my life about my ways."
- by A.E Housman
Here's some songs to accompany today's blogging session...
Foolish Games by Jewel
You took your coat off and stood in the rain, You're always crazy like that. And I watched from my window, Always felt I was outside looking in on you. You're always the mysterious one with Dark eyes and careless hair, You were fashionably sensitive But too cool to care. You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say Besides some comment on the weather.
Well in case you failed to notice, In case you failed to see, This is my heart bleeding before you, This is me down on my knees, and...
These foolish games are tearing me apart, And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart. You're breaking my heart.
You're always brilliant in the morning, Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee. Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you. Do you love Mozart? And you'd speak of your loved ones As I clumsily strummed my guitar.
You'd teach me of honest things Things that were daring, things that were clean Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean So I hid my soiled hands behind my back Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you
Excuse me! Think I've mistaken you for somebody else, Somebody who gave a damn, Somebody more like myself.
These foolish games are tearing me, you're tearing me, you're tearing me apart, And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart. You're breaking my heart.
You took your coat off, and stood in the rain, You're always crazy like that.
Realize by Colbie Caillat
Take time to realize, That your warmth is. Crashing down on in. Take time to realize, That I am on your side Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you, No it's never gonna be that simple No I cant spell it out for you
If you just realize what I just realized, Then we'd be perfect for each other And will never find another Just realized what I just realized We'd never have to wonder if We missed out on each other now.
Take time to realize Oh-oh I'm on your side Didn't I, didn't I tell you. Take time to realize Oh-oh I'm on your side, oh-oo-oh-oo-oh.
But I can't spell it out for you, No its never gonna be that simple No I can't spell it out for you.
If you just realized what I just realized Then we'd be perfect for each other Then we'd never find another Just realized what I just realized We'd never have to wonder if We missed out on each other but..
It's not all the same No it's never the same If you don't feel it too. If you meet me half way If you would meet me half way. It could be the same for you.
If you just realized what I just realized Then we'd be perfect for each other Then we'd never find another Just realized what I just realized We'd never have to wonder if We missed out on each other Just realized what I just realized Then we'd be perfect for each other Then we'd never find another Just realized what I just realized We'd never have to wonder if We missed out on each other now...
As you can possibly see, I'm bored outta my mind. The anime has gotten something into me. I think the book I'm currently reading (The Choice by Nicholas Sparks) has also gotten something into me. And it all fits perfectly into one same genre. One same category. And I've been trying to avoid it, but it came after me instead.
Blah.
Editted at 12:05AM.
the beauty exposed ; 2:04 PM
Monday, August 18, 2008
Outing with the girls.
Met the freaks yesterday... Just for some slacking around and jamming around.. I finally accepted the fact that I can't play the drums (lack of coordination)... and bass is too long for me... and I could barely lift up the electric guitar. OK, OK... I'm pathetic at the moment. But I still don't give a damn... I still love bass for a reason. I love everything electric for a reason. And the sound booming out of the amplifiers... oh gosh... the crisp sound makes me melt. Jamming session for me = stoning around and listening to the freaks play whatever they feel like playing + a whole shitload of screaming in the soundproof room. Blah.
Anyhow..
Went to the ward to submit my MC today... and oh boy, no one could recognize me without my uniform. Even my ward sister was like 'who are you?'
Sadness.
But my housemen recognizes me.
Weird.
Anyhow, met Corrine && PX after the shift work... Went to Suntec City. Our initial plan were to dine at Pepper Lunch....
Ended up at...
ICHIBAN BOSHI (again... I know... but what the heck...)
Here's the ONLY thing we ordered:
The others were taken off the belt that was rotating around and around and around. Total of 10 plates... Quite little, I gotta say, but I guess all of us are having shrinking stomachs.
Next, we just slacked around, and landed ourselves at Toys'R'Us.
Tell me... how freaky could toys nowadays get? Just look at them? Aren't they creepy? Imagine in the middle of the night where you just suddenly got woken up, and the next thing you see is the damned toy right next to you staring into your face..... IMAGINE!
This is cute.... but the pic's too small. Bleah.
Then went to Swensen's for dessert.... And then, off back home we go. It was fun. Just 3 girls walking around randomly. We should do it again, ladies!
Anyhow.. I'm just in a pretty foul mood.
Why can't I just fucking verbalize what is already on the tip of my tongue?
"Rush together to find each other No it's too late, you can never wait for luck Together playing the same instrument That you still can't hear at all"
Song title: Rush Together Artist: Quietdrive Go google for the song and listen to it. I'm just able to relate to the chorus at the moment. If you could "decipher" what the lyrics are saying... then you'll get what I mean.
Random Fact #7: I adore reading. It keeps my brain functioning. It helps me improve the language. It keeps my imagination up and running. My favorite genre? Romance (you know, those lusty, sex-driven novels... they're the best)
the beauty exposed ; 11:47 PM
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Being sick makes me insane
Life is so unpredictable.
I know there are times where I've said that things are so predictable... but truth is... everything's unpredictable. Whatever we said are predictable, and truly happened, are what we call 'luck'. It's just lucky of you it happened... not that life's that predictable, or whatever whatever and whatever. Even though you've got a déjà vu, it still doesn't make life predictable. It's just a vision you happened to see in your dreams... and nope, that doesn't make you a dream seer.
Anyways, scratch that.
I'm just sick now. I've been in bed the entire day, completed FFVII Crisis Core, bored out of my mind, watched animes after animes, and all the while... I was in bed. The only times I've gotten up was to take a shower, grab a quick bite, toilet breaks. Other than that, I've been in bed. Call me a lazy ass... But I'm not well, aight?
And me being sick and in bed the whole day... it just makes me conjure up a whole lot of crap into my tiny head.
Like, for instance, death. [[Note: If you are a staunch religion-follower,or can't take criticism well, please do not read whatever's next. If you choose to read, don't label me as satan's follower, or the dark child, or whatever.]]
Anyhow.. to continue my topic on death... I wonder what really happens after we breathe out our final breath, and shut our eyes forever to the world. Some says you'll be confined to solid darkness for eternity. Others said you'll roam the earth till judgment day. Others said that you'll be judged 7 days after your death, and whether you'll go to heaven or hell.
Heaven or Hell.
Does a place like that really exist? How could anyone possibly know if they've never been dead and haven't had their souls judged? For all you know, Heaven or Hell might just be something created up by someone so that people will remain good... in fear of the torment given in Hell. I mean, think about it, if there's neither Heaven nor Hell, murderers and rapists, and etc etc, will be out loose. Even the sanest of all people will turn insane and do the darkest thing (believe me, everyone's got a dark side). Why? For there is no fear of punishment thereafter (aside from mortal punishment in this mortal life... but that's temporary, ain't it? Life's short anyhow).
For all we know, after we die, we'll just be reincarnated into anything. Animals, or plants, or humans, once more. Or we all just roam as ghosts. Or our pathetic souls are partying for eternity in paradise. If Hell is really so torturous, why are there still followers of Hell? Why do people still sell their souls to Satan? Sure, for life's pleasure. And what? Eternal torture?
Judgment Day.
I'm sure centuries ago... Everyone would say: By the year 1900, the earth will be annihilated. By the year 19-something... everyone was affirmative that the earth won't see the new millennium, as that's when Judgment day will happen. Wham, Bam. It's year 2008. Is it ever gonna happen? Or are we gonna keep reproducing our offspring, and they in turn will see the new millennium, so on and so forth? Blah. I've nothing to add on here. Just think about it.
God.
So people say God works in silence. He works in mysterious ways. He works indirectly. Why is it that poverty still exists? Despite those poor hungry kids praying out every single day? OK. Fine. There are many Gods from various religion. Let's just say they all lead back to the same one God we all somehow pray to... just that He has various names, or disguises, etc. Settled? Why are there still war? Sure, people are evil. People. (I think I got this phrase from watching 'Constantine' a tad too much) So, why won't mighty God do something about it? Because people can't be bothered to seek, to pray, etc. Do you have to wait for everyone to pray to You then You'll give us our peace? I mean, whatever happened to initiative? Why work silently and slowly, and mysteriously when You know millions of people out there need You so badly. Need Your help. Need Your advice. And they need You to be direct. Isn't being direct the best thing, anyhow? Instead of being a sly, cunning being? I agree that You do send angels in disguise. OK, maybe not angels, but people with the heart of an angel. Thank You for that, but that is somehow not enough. What would make it enough? You should know it by now, wouldn't You?
Maybe, God is another Santa Claus.
I should rest my case. If you're not satisfied with what I've got here, please, keep it to yourself. I've said in the very beginning that if you're a staunch religion-follower or can't take a bit of criticism, do not proceed reading. But you did. It was YOUR choice. So don't make it my problem now.
And yes, you may call me faithless.
the beauty exposed ; 7:54 PM
Friday, August 15, 2008
Sick.
My AL's supposed to start tomorrow, but I've been at home since yesterday. Why? Sick leave. For 2 days. I still gotta head back to the ward on Monday to submit my MC. And hopefully by then I'll get to replace the darn needle holder that I accidentally lost. ARGH.
So why am I sick? All thanks to the stupid annoying irritating CADD machine. I swear I'll destroy it if I could. Here's what happened:
2100hrs: Night staff came to the ward. I was waiting in the prep room while they are passing the central message. 2115hrs: I gave a urinal to a patient. 2120hrs: I started passing my report. 2130hrs: The night junior said "Eh, just now I saw the CADD machine... It showed 'LOW'. Still can use or must top up?" And the i/c said "Why you all never top up? Later you stay back and top up. I don't want to top up. Last time I top up I stand there for 1hour!" 2135hrs: I end my report (I pass super fast). 2140hrs: Me and my junior started to remove the morphine ampoules from the CD cupboard. Then someone said: "Eh, I thought now CADD the OT people will top up for us? Because each time we top up got lots of problems one..." So my junior called OT. The told us to dilute the morphine, and bring down the syringe, and they'll ONLY put the diluent into the new cartridge. The rest is up to us. 2150hrs: In OT. Watching how the person fill the cartridge in. 2200hrs: Back in the ward. Fill the cartridge into place. Pressed ON. Waits for all the routine checks. Beeping sound. Re-tried. And tried. And tried. Still beeping. 2210hrs: My junior called OT again. Argued with them. OT said to bring down the CADD machine. 2215hrs: Another night staff claimed that a night staff from B2 side is an expert with CADD machines. So instead of going to OT, I waited for him to arrive. 2230hrs: Pissed off waiting for 15mins. Called B2 side and yelled into the phone for that damned bugger to come over NOW. 2233hrs: He came over. Walked damn slowly. Still can joke around. I'm already super pissed with a bloody headache. 2235hrs: He takes the CADD. Pressed a few buttons. Waits. And voila! It's working. And he did all that effortlessly. ARGH! 2240hrs: In the cab going home. 2315hrs: Reach home. With fever. Headache. Bodyache. Chills. Cold.
Took medication. Slept. Woke up at 0430hrs, called the ward, not coming to work. Went to doctor, 2 days MC.
FUCK THE CADD MACHINE. JUST USE THE PCA MACHINE, CAN?!
So now I'm just awaiting to see if there's anywhere I could purchase the needle holder. I need to replace it asap. Fuck.
And Monday... Pepper Lunch with PX && Corrine! Can't wait!
the beauty exposed ; 11:34 AM
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Why can't I tell you how I feel?
I woke up today with the worst aches of my life. My entire body is aching. From my neck all the way to my calf muscles. Every single inch of me is aching so bad now. ARGHHHHH!
Now my head is throbbing. I think I'm falling ill. I'm just so tired today, I'm gonna get on sleeping in a short while.
On Top Of The World by Boys Like Girls
Look up, the stars are fading And I am still here waiting To see you again Be with you my friend
When the moon is gone forever I hope you're up there somewhere I'll see you again Be with you my friend
'Cause all the roads they lead to where you are And all the streetlights shine like they were stars That's where you are
Let's spend tonight on top of the world And we can do anything, We can be anything I'll meet you tonight on top of the world As real as it seems, You're only in my dreams
Look out across the water Faces of lonely daughters and mothers who care But just can't be there Swear that I will see you someday I have to find a way To show you I care Even if you're not there
So I'm following the road to where you are The streetlights they will guide me to the stars That's where you are
Let's spend tonight on top of the world And we can do anything, We can be anything I'll meet you tonight on top of the world As real as it seems, You're only in my dreams
My heart is empty without you Sometimes you don't know what you do And I need you tonight I'll fall asleep and it's alright Close my eyes and I'll be by your side
Let's spend tonight on top of the world And we can do anything, We can be anything I'll meet you tonight on top of the world As real as it seems, You're only in my dreams
Let's spend tonight on top of the world As real as it seems, You're only in my dreams
Random note (which I doubt anyone will get it): More than FWB? I'm up for it.. are you? Why, you may ask. It's cuz I feel it's much more than FWB on my part. How about yours?
the beauty exposed ; 4:52 PM
At this very moment, I could barely open my eyes. I'm just feeling tired after a really long long day. 3 more hours and I'll be awake for 24hours straight. Awesome, eh?
Work's good today. I wish everyday was just like today, or even better. =) I wouldn't mind working every single day. And I'm blessed with having the next couple of days as off days. I could just sleep in and rest all I want and need. I really need it. And next week, I'll be on AL for 9days. I really need the break. But I haven't any great plans, so I might just slack around, and sleep for 9 days. I can be a real sleeping queen.
Went out to meet PX and the other DEM peeps. Omg. I miss PX and Corrine so much! Really miss them both!! I'm already looking forward to an outing with the 2 girls... Rememeber girls, we've got a Pepper Lunch date! WE MUST GO SOON!
I have a few things to rant about. Well, not really rant, but just wanna let it out. But bleahs. The thing about me is that, I'm never so good when it comes to personal stuff. So let it be. I'll keep it to myself till I explode one day.... soon.
Anyhow, I'm listening to Avril Lavigne by random, and 2 songs are like interpreting how I feel at the moment (they amazingly play one after the other... wow.. See? Music are awesome!) - All You Will Never Know - I'm With You
Blah. Goodnight world. I'm just dead now. And for the next 12hours or so. Let a bomb explode, I won't even notice.
Random Fact #6: I never forgive and forget. Forgive, yes. Forget, never. I hold grudges till the end of time, or till I'm satisfied with what karma did, or what I did to equalize the pain. So never ever use me for your own advantage. I may be nice on the outside, but deep inside, I'm rotten. You believe me, don't you?
the beauty exposed ; 12:10 AM
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Random blogging.
I'm blogging today because I am so freaking bored and I've nothing else better to do.
Did you know that Alesana has got a new album? "Where Myth Fades to Legend"
I just so wish they would do a tour here. I'd definitely go... just for the sake of seeing Shawn Milke. And for the music. -sigh-
Cute Is What We Aim For has a new album too. "Rotation"
It's way shitload better than their previous album. Seriously.
Enough of music already. I always go crazy in HMV browsing thru the rock or metal genre section. I can stand there flipping every album, but end up not buying anything.
Went shopping yesterday... Bought another pair of shoes. Yeap. SHOES! I think I have a certain weakness for shoes. But thankfully, I do not have a fetish for feet. Just shoes. Let me see what's in my collection for now: - Knee-length high-heeled boots (used only twice) - Wedged-heels (used maybe... 3 times?) - High-heeled court shoes (used twice) - High-heeled "sandals" (used maybe 8 times) - Low-heeled black court shoes (used numerous times over 2 years) - Low-heeled blue court shoes (used numerous times over 2 years) - Flat pumps (used numerous times over a year) - Nike shoes (used once) - Converse shoes (used numerous times over 3 years) - Flat pumps/sneakers/idk (NEW!) - And a whole shitload of sandals/slippers.
The rest were thrown away. Wish I could donate it off to anyone, but I so doubt anyone could fit into my small feet frame (of size 4 or 36). So sadly, thrown away. I'm currently aiming for this pair of boots by Americaya. Omg! Looks so rad!
Anyhow.. I was just examining my feet. And I realized what putting on shoes every single day for work has done to it... My feet looks so dry, and the heels are really hard, and my toenails aren't growing nicely anymore. =( I really hate having to put on shoes every single day. I wish I could just don on slippers to work. My feet need some air to breathe! And believe it or not, now I not only moisturize my dainty hands, I've got to moisturize my feet too. Bleahx.
While making my way back home today after BW, and was passing by YCK, it just made me miss school so much. I know I should be over it, but fact is, I still can't believe I'm a working adult yet. I still feel like as tho I'm under attachments. I still need to grow up. But I don't wanna grow up. I don't wanna grow old. I don't wanna turn 20 just yet. Not so soon. Left with 5 months or so before my 20th birthday. Geez. At 20, my greatest achievement would be.... nothing.
Really some random blogging today. I'm just bored to death now. I need some entertainment. Anything. Really.
And I hate having to work tomorrow. And the day after that. And after that. And after that. And it goes on. I hate work.
Guess I'm gonna be on my bed and play some Twisted Metal before I head off to dreamland.
Goodnight. Much love.
the beauty exposed ; 8:50 PM
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Weekends
Today's work was awesome. Everything was whoa... I wish everyday would be just like this. I wouldn't mind at all. No stress. No nonsense. No nothing.
I'm having allergies against something... I'm having this tiny small rash bumps on my hands.. It itches and gets red sometimes.. But I still haven't figure out what I'm allergic to.. Perhaps latex?! (oh no! all condoms are made of latex!)
Anyhow. There's this part of me that wanna say something out loud. But another part of me fear of what the response might be.
No. I am not lesbian. Or bi. I'm still straight. I still love cocks. OK. I'm a bit too direct. Excuse me.
It's just something that I don't even dare type it out here. Coward? No. Just.... shy. lol. You may laugh all you like. I'm just not good at this confession thing.
You might have probably guessed it. And your guess might be right.
